I’d be remiss if I didn’t include some sort of pandemic craft to commemorate the proverbial shitshow named 2020. Maybe you’ll call me a cliché too, and that’s ok. Tbh I think we all need a laugh, comedic relief on how the human race reacts to its own mortality. What do we creatures turn to, covet, – nay…crave, when faced with a life-threatening illness, social depravity, lawlessness, and chaos?
Toilet paper.
I will not begin to try to understand it. I will not claim that I saw it coming, that I had the foresight to stock up in March of 2020 with loads of Scott in my cart, or a 4-pack of Charmin under each arm as I stood in line at Hannafords before they enforced the ‘one per customer’ rule.
I was out. Like, we had 2 rolls left on March 13, 2020, when suddenly everyone had to stop going to the office, to school, to parties, and to sleepovers. Passover and Easter? Cancelled.
credit – Vic DiBitetto
Did you say a snowstorm is coming? Living in NY all my life, I knew how to prepare for that. Vic Dibitetto will have you howling at his milk and bread panic routine. I’ll contrast by saying in this house, blizzard prep consists of cake, cold cuts, crusty Italian bread, chips, and ice cream. Toilet paper? Meh. Never thought of it really.
Pandemic prep, however? Mistake. Big, BIG mistake. Many TP memes and comedy routines will go down in history with the #2020 hashtag. Here, I present to you my contribution to the ass-wiping anxiety of 2020:
The Pandemic Toilet Paper X-mas Ornament!
My first mistake was getting the idea for this project about 10 days before Christmas. We don’t really do big family gifts. It’s gifts for the kids, and then I always give each family member a framed photo of themselves with Charlotte from the year prior. This year, however, I was feeling sad, missing people and places and things. I spent more time on FB than necessary, zoning out and mindlessly scrolling like a zombie. Feigning interest, I came across a handicraft item on Marketplace from a mom who was selling these gorgeous hand-crocheted toilet paper roll ornaments, embroidered in festive holiday red with #2020. At only $6 a piece, no less!
Brilliant! It amazes me… the insight and intuitiveness of artists and crafters I admire can just come so naturally! I just needed to buy one for everyone that would be here on Christmas Day. Alas, after contacting the woman, I learned she actually lived in NJ, and my street savvy and US postal system experience told me it would be a bad idea to Venmo a stranger and leave it up to the shipping gods to arrive on time.
I was bummed; it was such a perfect lighthearted gift. I started planning how I could interpret this ornament without learning how to knit or crochet or spending a lot of money or time since we did have houseguests arriving soon for the holidays. I wanted the feeling of softness, so I went with felt! The rest I totally winged and made mistakes, but they still came out super cute!
For this craft you will need:
- 1 old cardboard toilet paper roll (duh)
- 1 yard of white felt fabric (you can make like 10 with one yard, but it’s so cheap and a good extra to keep in your craft bin)
- Glue gun
- Scissors
- Ruler or tape measure
- Red embroidery thread
- A wide-eye needle
- Pencil
- Red ribbon or string to hang
-Cut a small rectangle measuring 2.5 inches wide by 3 inches long out of your TP roll. – Roll this Mini cardboard roll into the shape of a log and run your hot glue gun along the edges to keep it in place.
-Cut a strip of felt 2 inches wide by 14 inches long for your toilet paper.
-Hot glue one end of the felt along the cardboard roll, then loosely roll up the rest of the felt around it.
-leaving about 4 inches of felt unrolled, hot glue a dab to keep the roll from unraveling, and tada… It’s a mini TP roll!
-Draw a small dashed line in pencil about 2 inches up from the end of the felt to mimic the last ‘square’.
– In pencil, lightly draw in your neatest handwriting “2020,” just at the end of the last sheet. If you’re a much neater person than I, go ahead and do it in cursive, calligraphy, or your favorite decorative font.
-In red thread stitch over the “2020” , this can be a basic whip stitch close together, a fancy embroidery stitch, or hell, you could do anything really, red marker, paint, dab rhinestones even! I’m a sloppy sewer, so if you are too or just apprehensive about it, don’t let that stop you! Just use another method to write in red and practice a couple of times on a scrap piece of felt so that you are happy with the result.
That’s it! The last step is to just cut a piece of red ribbon approximately 9 inches in length, loop it through the TP roll and tie it together with a bow, and you’re done! A cute toilet paper roll to hang on your tree or gift your family and friends, cause that’s not weird at all.
Make! My Mistake 